I've got BEEF with...

Mother Nature.

  What’s up?  You don’t show up til it’s convenient for you?  I know you’re always kind of there, but now just showering our kids with wetness?

 I get it.

 

I will never be able to water as thoroughly and evenly as you.  I know that now. 

But where were you when green pepper #3 was sick?  (oh I haven’t named them yet, I thought we could do that as a FAMILY)  So not only will one of our kids probably die (a  midget.)  

We also can’t eat him.  (ya him, I checked, another thing I though we could do together)

I know you’re not ready to settle down. I get it.  But don’t just shower them with water and take off.  Maybe take less time finding pretty flowers to put in your hair.

Or sleeping. 

(really? Mother Nature sleeping during a recession? Father Time must be PISSED.)

 Or worst of all, getting stuck in a tree. 

 

Really?

 “Daddy, where’s mommy?” 

"Oh, she got stuck in a tree again.”

 How can I teach the kids good values like not getting stuck in trees when their mother is off doing that exact thing. 

 

This isn’t Ernest Scared Stupid and you’re not a slimy troll.

 

Oh, and I found out you’ve mothered every living thing on the planet.

Ya, word gets around.

Slut.