"...Til there was you..."

I swear there wasn't a wormhole on the other end.

Besides, DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME!!!

So I'm predicting in the next 2 to 3 weeks things will be getting

 out of control.

(well, not as much as my last garden.)

(faces and voices have been altered to protect my identity)

Oh, shit.

Where was I?

Yes, I will have to sell some of this madness.  

Oh, and not to jack up the price or anything but...

"Organic"

You - "I love organic food it taste so much better, 'cause it's fresh."

Other You - "i know, and you know they kill the plant humanely."

Back to the first you - "So true, we should really get back 

to the commune though. That guy is sharpening his sword a little too menacingly for me."

Best... Weekend... Ever...?

Don't believe me?

This was the worst part...

I also introduced the new neighbors to my garden after coming home from the bars Saturday.

What?  How would you do it?

You - "Politely, during an appropriate time and sober." 

Me - "..."

...AM I too late...?

30 days divided by 2 posts a day equals a post every two days.

I did it. I did it.  Maintain the pace.

also, to keep it relevant.

New decoration... 

"King Kong ain't got shit on ME." 

WHAT?

August 1st!?!



FANBASE CHALLENGE!!!...

Step 1: Get a zucchini from me.

Step 2: Find a way to make it as delicious as possible.

Step 3: Send me the pictures.

Step 4: Become what you were meant to be.

Winner will receive something.

(Probably awesome dumb)

I'm a BIG BOI...

My first cheques......And yes I made a joke about the movie Blank Cheque.

On the contrary, She LOVED it.

...And yes that's Stella in the Background.

...And yes drop what you're doing and go and buy it right now.

You do weird things when you're drunk and have an

  abundance of cucumber.

You - "with the garden doing impeccably well, minus the devil-worshipping spinach, you must have alot of free time, what do you do to pass the time?"

Me - "God that was a poorly worded question. 

 Syntax police on the way."

Also KP and I beat Contra.  But to take a picture of Contra is akin to taking a picture up god's dress

 then tagging it on Facebook as "god's junk."

seriously it is.

www.Dictionary.com:

 Akin: A pretentious replacement of the word Like.

Thanks for the Book Dave, seems a little late.

This is akin to having my bachelor party

2 months after my wedding.

Which I wouldn't mind at all.

Also Maclean's tells me not to, that's all I need.

FYI: Did you know Obama is bad for Canada?

Maclean's did.

Proof even though I blog and listen to MSTRKRFT I am no hipster.

First mention of the Kenyan O'Bones.

"Only don't tell me you're innocent. 

Because it insults my intelligence -- and makes me very

angry..."

"Now who approached you? Tattaglia or Barzini?

The orange cat or the grey one?"

These bugs be all up in my shit...

But not always...

I took this exact same picture two weeks ago and it had 3 jalapeños.

Anyone see two  jalapeños?  I seem to have misplaced them.

Best HARVEST yet!!!

Jealous?

Green means GO!

So turn Red already.

I don't want to brag but...

Also I don't want to brag because I was by far the worst golfer.  Also sometimes I shot two balls throughout the hole.  Also we didn't count water hazards.

Stella - "Business Tycoons!!! I like the sound of that!"

...But no one was home so we left it at the door.

...then KP remembered it was his parent's house so we went inside.

And got a bottle of wine as a gift.

Thank you kindly, MR. and MRS. KP.

Obviously the THAI basil is the best looking thing in the garden.

HOT!

Beautiful cycle...

I give this...

I get this...

Gives me energy to do this...

(...Still got it.)

...Which, in turn, gives me more of this.

Before...

After...

"It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business..."

"You're not a wartime consigliere..."

"Things may get rough with the move we're trying."

"I want  no acts of vengeance.  This war stops now."

INDEX

Me: Michael Corleone

Garden: Corleone Family

Orange Cat: Barzini Family

Grey Cat: Tattaglia Family

Cat poo in the garden:  Attempted Assassination of Vito Corleone

Spray bottle of cayenne pepper around perimeter of garden: Murder of Sollozo and McCluskey

Texas: Sicily

Cats returning to garden: Assassination of Santino Corleone

*TBA: The murder of the 5 heads of rival families 

*HINT

I know what you're thinking fanbase, "They're just cats, leave them alone..."

I say to you

"...don't ever take sides with anyone

against the family garden again. Ever." 

Water Post...

Makes sense cause I'm swimming in wine...

Water Garden!!!

(you can see my floating shit in the background)

So the reason I have 17 zucchini's and a few cucumbers is simple...

We've been getting a lot of rain and no sun, 

great for vegetables that need a lot of water,

 horrible for vegetables that need to redden.  

Stop pissing on my dreams Toronto!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pissing

Goodnight lovely fanbase

"You're a woman, I'm a machine..."

I was curious...

Conclusion: Effeminate robot with penis

Now that that's out of the way...

Gardening

Montreal...

was great. 

Hilton... spectacular.

(this is where that girl that other girls think is funny

 but men with good sense of humours know isn't can

 put her lame Paris Hilton joke.)

I'm just saying I've known 4 funny girls in my life.

And one lives in Saskatoon, How funny is that? 

Porter Airlines... remarkable.

FREE LATTES!!

(pronounced LA-TTES)

Pool... wet.

(No, you're a lame joke)

 shot with my Blackberry which I'm selling or trying to trade for an Iphone since I've been in Macworld for years.  God, I hate this Fackberry.

Is this a cool mirror or...

 ...am I the son of god?

Discuss.

How does this...

Turn into this?

Answer:  When you're trying to impress someone.

You - "Where'd you get that cucumber, it looks delicious?"

Me - "Aw, thank you, you're too kind, it's from MY garden."

PG rated unit of measurement...

Email me if you're interested in the NC-17 version.

Although it makes the zucchini's look so small.

Me - "Yeah right."

I'm going to continue to buy these ugly garden accessories 

until someone stops me...

I dare you...

I've giving up on the spinach... 

 They are now enemies of the garden.

That's how I roll.

Grow or be shunned.

Notice I have no midget friends.

I'm often asked on the street by people that recognize me from my blog...

Oh so many people - "Jon, what do you look for in a sandal?"

Well firstly I want them to hurt the hell 

out of a specific part of my foot, ideally making them bleed. 

 Also, stylish yet sporty.

That way I can accessorize accordingly. 

A.D.I.D.A.S.S.S.S.S

All day I dream about Surting Sthe Sucking Sell Sout Sof Sy Seet.

Youtube Video 'O the week

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFLMLBkYeng

September 14th - New Album

Can one of my diehard fans let me know if this is the longest blog post ever?